Rants about life & everything else that comes with it..

What hurts the most..

2010-03-01T09:56:00.003+08:00

Rascal Flatts - What Hurts Tthe Most

uno-mono | MySpace Video

The memories of the past is back to haunt me.
I had been having nightmares for a few nights.
This has got to stop. I won't let myself go back to where I was before.
:(
I need distractions, where is my distraction?

Goodbye My Almost Lover..

2009-06-08T03:37:00.006+08:00

A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lover

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images, no

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do..

No Happen Ending..

2008-06-14T15:49:00.004+08:00

This is the way you left me,

I'm not pretending.

No hope, no love, no glory,

No Happy Ending.

This is the way that we love,

Like it's forever.

Then live the rest of our life,

But not together.

Wake up in the morning,

stumble on my life

Can't get no love without sacrifice

If anything could happen,

I guess I wish you well

A little bit of heaven,

but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told

No hope, or love, or glory

Happy endings gone forever more

I feel as if I'm wasted

No happy ending

And I waste everyday

This is the way you left me,

I'm not pretending.

No hope, no love, no glory,

No Happy Ending.

This is the way that we love,

Like it's forever.

Then live the rest of our life,

But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning,

something's on my mind

Can't get no rest;

keep walkin' around

If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong,

I can get to my sleep

I can think that we just carried on..

I'm so loving this song now. Well, it suits me well though.

Btw, I'm still very much alive. And will start posting up more often.

I pretty much spend most of my time n work and staring at the laptop all day n night.

2008-02-01T19:05:00.000+08:00

Just yesterday, I realised that I'm turning 22 in a week.
:)
Suppose to be a happy joyous occasion.

I want to celebrate my birthday with a bang. I really really want to be happy.
But turns out to be the date has other meanings. I am really fucking myself up.

I have been burying myself at work.
I reach home at 9 this whole week and am going back to work tomorrow.
Great isn't it.

I want to.. but my heart is telling me not to.

2008-01-22T23:25:00.000+08:00

Last night, when I had the thoughts of you keep running in my mind..
I couldn't help but teared.

Ever since the last time,

I never knew crying would cause me such heartache.

I feel so hopeless,
I've lost myself.. in you.
And now.. I can't find myself back.

2008-01-21T23:19:00.000+08:00

I've loved and lost.
We've had our happiest and saddest moments.
Feeling your warm embrace.
Feeling wanted.
These are the things I'm longing for.

I am going back to square one.
Fuck.

Counting down.. 18 days til I turn 22. :)

20012008

2008-01-20T23:25:00.000+08:00

A date that was worth celebrating.
Now it doesn't mean anything anymore.

Deep inside my heart, I hope that it still means something to you.
Cos for me, it still does.

-On the other note, back to work tmrw! URGH!

2008-01-20T01:57:00.000+08:00

The sky is beautiful tonight...

I wonder if you are looking at the same moon too...

I wish that you were right by my side..

*sigh*

Update

2008-01-17T22:50:00.000+08:00

What have I been up to these days? I have a very healthy routine.
I get up at 8 or earlier everyday.. go work.. go home.. watch chinese series til 8..
go bathe.. eat dinner.. watch chinese series til 10.. wrap my own ciggies..
go downstairs to smoke.. call my maam.. by 12 I'm asleep.
Damn good right.
But I still feel like I don't have enough sleep everyday...
And I'll be down with a flu every other day.. so irritating.

I feel really happy at my work place. Its not like a typical law firm.
Although there are alot alot ALOT of things to do these days.
Its like we have our own party everyday. Its really a very cosy place to work.
And most importantly, there are no politics in the office.
Oh yes, I MOST PROBABLY will be joining them to Bangkok for the annual company trip.
Hee Hee Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... Yay!
I got lots and lots to shop for.
Girls, wanna make ur order? :p

I am trying to go back next weekend...
Hopefully I can get the tickets. Mum doesnt want me to waste money to go back.
But I told her that I have it, and there's nothing to do here.
Which is true. Tell me, what the hell to do here?
Freaking boring man... hmmm.. I still got no friends except for my colleagues.
Saddening right.

On the other note, I am healing.. slowly but surely.
I am quite proud of myself though.
Of course there are times when I would feel like I'm all alone and cry and all..
But I am coping it real well.
Oh, I dreamt of him last night. I wasn't too happy about it though..
I really don't know what I will do if I ever bump into him one day.
What do I do? In a way, I want to bump into him.. but in a way I don't.
*sigh*

Okay whatever.
Looking forward to CNY!
Cos I get to be home for about 1 week?
:)

2007-12-22T18:26:00.000+08:00

I have to change the name of the blog so that I'm not easily found with shereenong.
I don't want people from office to know what I've been up to. :)

In a span of just a month, so many things had changed.
First, Miss Yap left for Florida.. and I've made my debut in Singapore.. &
Miss Yong has started working already..
Suddenly, I feel so damn bloody grown up.
Miss Chia, hahaha I know you hate me for leaving you alone.
But see you in Sg in 6 months time? We're gonna be housemates hopefully?

Work has been okay. The coming days will not be easy
as I have a whole damn LOT to learn. Law stuff man.
Colleagues are good.. even invited me to go clubbing with them.

Those were the days when we could go yamchar at anytime, anywhere of the day.
Its so bloody hard to even find time to meet up now.
And this is just the beginning. Hopefully we're all still gonna be close.

I miss so many things.. especially certain something.
Its been a while now. But I have been thinking of "it" quite alot these days.
Well, nothing can be done to solve it though. I just have to bare with it
until I can fuck "it" off.

Gonna do some christmas shopping.. laters.

New leash..

2007-12-09T17:44:00.000+08:00

Am already where I'm suppose to be.
All set to start work tomorrow...I'm so anxious.
This is going to be really tough but I will pull this off.
Normally, I will tear when I leave Spore, but this morning..
I was crying in the bus from KL. :(
But fret not, I will be home for the weekends in 2 weeks time, I hope!

As I'm sitting here all alone at my aunts place.
I feel lonely, I do feel like crying.
But its not so much about him anymore..
I miss everyone already and I miss home.
The conversations, the company and the familiar places.
Its only been a few hours, be strong Ms.Ong.

Part of me really really wants to see him. Just a glimpse or whatsoever.
But I know.. that I will fuck myself up all over again.
Cos I haven't seen him for more than a month, and I don't think of him
that much anymore. But but... I really really want to see him. :(

Favourite!

2007-11-29T16:41:00.000+08:00

All I hear is raindrops, falling on the rooftop

Oh baby, tell me why'd you have to go

'Cause this pain I feel, it won't go away

And today I'm officially missing you

I thought that from this heartache, I could escape

But I've fronted long enough to know

There ain't no way

And today I'm officially missing you

Ooh, can't nobody do it like you

Said every little thing you do, hey, baby

Said it stays on my mind

And I-I'm officially...

All I do is lay around, two years full of tears

From looking at your face on the wall

Just 3 weeks ago you were my baby

Now I don't even know you at all, I don't know you at all

Well, I wish that you would call me right now

So that I could get through to you somehow

But I guess it's safe to say, baby,

safe to say that

I-I'm officially missing you

Ooh, can't nobody do it like you

Said every little thing you do, hey, baby

Said it stays on my mind

And I-I'm officially

Well, I thought I could just get over you, baby

But I see that's something I just can't do

From the way you would hold me

To the sweet things you told me

I just can't find a way to let go of you

Ooh...can't nobody do it like you

Said every little thing you do, hey, baby

Said it stays on my mind

And I-I'm officially...

From the other side of the island.

2007-11-29T16:21:00.000+08:00

Went for the interview yesterday. It was alright I would say. After the interview

I went downstairs and realised that it was pouring heavily. I just stood there like

everyone else did.Then Law Firm guy called me and said that I'm probably still

downstairs as its pouring.Asked me to go upstairs to pass him some documents

as he said chances are very high that they're hiring me.

We were done with the documents within 10 minutes.

Then everyone at the office was setting the christmas tree. Just stood there and

laugh at their jokes and sillyness. They're all really fun people. Even the boss.

Helped them hang some "balls". Hahhaha.

Anyway, I just realise something today. After a good round of tears.

That its not worth it. And he's just another asshole by the roadside.

I was reading the old posts of my blog.

And I realise that there are so many occasions when I feel

fucked up.. and he is just the way he is now.

It doesn't make much difference.

Before this, I thought that we could still be friends right.
Cos I really don't want to break up in such a manner.

But turns out to be, he's really being a asshole.

So not man at all. Cis.

I will be so doomed if we ever get back, and he reads this. :) If only.

Heh. You know, I might change my mind tonight.

Well, I am trying my very best to let go. And I guess I just can't do it here.

Will be back home tomorrow noon. And then I'll decide.

I really really like the company.. but I can't stand being here.

How?

Happy 21st Lynn!

2007-11-26T20:25:00.000+08:00

-Sorry for the late entry :p

Wishing you all the happiness & love in the world

Good health & wealth.

May every year be better than the last

The day is finally here. And you're legally legal now.

Let's go register to vote? :)

Love you lots!

_______________________________________________________________________

I will be going Spore this Wednesday. I've made up my mind to go for the 2nd interview.

I've thought about it long enough. Its not about me alone anymore, I can't be so selfish.

I have to think about my family. And its really not worth it for me to let go of the job because of some jerk.

I know I will regret it if I don't go for it.

I might be miserable being all alone there, but looks like I don't really have much of a choice now.

2007-11-17T00:22:00.000+08:00

Just when I thought that I want to stay here for good.
Law Firm called me up today.. and asked me for 2nd interview.
If I were to go for this interview... I should be getting the job.
But the problem now is, can I do it?

I am so.. fucked.

Almost everyone is expecting me to work there already.
But I can't tell them that I don't want to work there because I'm
not mentally stable cos of the BU.

I can't make up my mind. I can't make up my mind.

:(

This is not good.

In another news, YLY is leaving to Florida tomorrow. Gonna miss her so much.

And I really really miss him. :(

Home.

2007-11-10T11:23:00.001+08:00

I think I've had enough here. I will be coming home today.
I should have did it 2 days earlier.
Something happened last night which made me realise that
I cannot be here all alone any longer.
Although I've tried.. but I still don't know if I'm mentally prepared.
First, I need to get myself back..
And I need my family & the girls.

I am still in shock. And I feel very very disappointed.
Never thought that someone could be so mean after all these time.
*sigh*

Pieces don't fit here anymore..

2007-11-09T13:01:00.000+08:00

I've been twisting and turning,
In a space that's too small.
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall,
You've been closing me in, closing the space in my heart.
Watching us fading and watching it all fall apart.
.
Well I can't explain why it's not enough,
Cause I gave it all to you.
And if you leave me now, just leave me now.
It's the better thing to do,
It's time to surrender,
It's been to long pretending.
Theres no use in trying,
When the pieces don't fit anymore, pieces don't fit here anymore.
.
You pulled me under,
If I had to give in.
Such a beautiful myth,
That's breaking my skin.
Well I'll hide all the bruises,
I'll hide all the damage that's done.
But I show how I'm feeling until all the feeling has gone.
.
Don't misunderstand,
How I feel,
Cos I've tried, yes I've tried,
But still I don't know why, no I don't know why
I don't know why.. why..
.
Well I can't explain why it's not enough,
Cause I gave it all to you.
And if you leave me now, just leave me now.
It's the better thing to do,
It's time to surrender,
It's been to long pretending.
Theres no use in trying,
When the pieces don't fit anymore, pieces don't fit here anymore.
.

This is gonna be damn hard. So hard that I really don't know how am I gonna get through it.
Believe me when I say I'm trying.

2007-11-04T23:18:00.000+08:00

Less than 12 hours I'm here.
And I feel like going home already.
*sigh*
Maybe I made a mistake of coming here.
Maybe this aren't meant to be at all..

I'm tired... I'm really really tired.

MIA

2007-10-31T14:06:00.000+08:00

Been neglecting this for so long.
I always log on... but only to connect to the links. :)

A little update, have finished my course and am now looking for a job.
Can't wait to start working and earning my own moolah.
I have yet to decide if I should move to Spore to work.
Since the bf is there... and the pay is so much better. Why not right.
*crosses fingers* Hopefully can get a job asap.

Well, I have been just bumming around as usual.
Went Spore middle of the month.. bf came back these few days but leaving today.
I don't feel happy at all.
Should I go Spore this weekend? Its his 21st ....Urgh.

Oh yeah, Ms.Yap is leaving on the 17th ... :(
I also want to leave soon soon wei.

OK. Gotta go off now.

2007-09-28T15:56:00.000+08:00

Facebook is officially addictive...

Shit, made a mistake of joining.

I love my Smellie Dragun, he's so cute.

But wait, how do I know if it's a she or he?

Hmmmmmmm......

You're officially legally legal!

2007-09-15T16:56:00.000+08:00

Happy 21st Miss Yap !

We had a great time last night.

Hope you like the gift yah.

Have another great celebration today..

Lotsa love! *hugs*

Exam woes..

2007-08-28T18:21:00.000+08:00

I'm currently having a post exam depression..
I keep thinking I'm gonna fail this subject and that subject.
Thats because I've been slacking off a little.. okay maybe alot.
I CAN'T seem to concerntrate in class. Its either I'm sleepy or
my mind will drift off somewhere else.
I blame HIM. No thanks to him.

How now? Exam is less than a week away.
I've started studying but not much.

And to know that he is coming back this weekend does not help.
URGH.

Please let me concerntrate on my exams...
This is my last term.. I cannot fuck anything up.

It's suppose to be a happy day...

2007-08-20T18:34:00.000+08:00

This is damn cute man.

There's more, go check it out

http://www.bitterstickgirl.com/

On the other hand.

Today's the 20th, that marks us being together for 1 & ½ years.

During that period, he has been away for about 9 months.

I can barely reconise the face anymore...

He needs to come home soon.

Or maybe, I will head down to Sg next week

2007-08-05T19:03:00.000+08:00

If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone

Get back on your feet and think of me

My love will get you home...

I miss you.

2007-07-31T19:24:00.000+08:00

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you went away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it okay

I miss you

I've never felt this way before

Everything that I do, reminds me of you

And the clothes you left they lie on the floor

And they smell just like you

I love the things that you do

When you went away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it okay

I miss you

We were made for each other., out here forever

All I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I do I give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear will always get me through the day

And make it okay

I miss you

2007-06-29T22:17:00.000+08:00

HollieMollieCow.

Everything so just so freaking nice and cheap here.
Haven't really got the chance to buy things yet.
Will definitly be going shopping tomorrow cos they kids won't be around!
Have been waiting for the 2 of them to come back from school at 2..
Then wait for the youngest boy to go take his afternoon nap..
And thats when we sneak out... muahahaha. Damn bad rite.
Anyways, tomorrow's Saturday already.. I'm so excited... :))))))))))))))))))))))))
Seriously, I really don't know how to react. Something is wrong with me.

2007-06-28T14:57:00.000+08:00

I'm still alive.

Will be heading to the Museum with both my younger cousins later.

But no, I won't be seeing the bf until Sunday. :(

The sales here are crazy and things are really really cheap.

Without converting..that is.

Can't wait to go shopping and get some new shoes & bags. Heh.

Gtg now.. laters peeps.

Happy Bday to my one and only!

2007-06-26T19:04:00.000+08:00

Would like to wish my mum a Happy Happy Birthday..

Thank you for bringing me into the world..

Thank you for the everything that you've given me..

Thank you for standing by me through everything..

Thank you for your constant scolding, now I'm exactly like you.. in a good way!

The list would go on forever..

Just so you know that you mean the world to me, you're my number 1.

I love you like no other and you're my heart & soul.

Will update more from Spore, I hope. :)

Pangs of loneliness..

2007-06-02T18:04:00.000+08:00

For some reasons suddenly I felt extra lonely. I'm feeling very lost. I miss the companionship. I can't find nothing to do and I have no one to turn to. Even if I have, I don't think anyone would understand my situation and what I'm currently going through. Its like everything and everywhere I want to go now, I have to do it all alone. This is so not fun.

I've tried going on as usual, but somehow someway it will eventually backfire on me, and I would feel worst than before. Now, at this very point, I really don't know what to do. I feel like I don't belong anywhere.

I've made a big mistake. I grew too attached to him for the past 6 months. And all of a sudden, he has left me all alone here makes me feel like there's no place in the world for me. I really don't want to feel this way. Its hurting me too much deep inside.

At moments when I feel the change in my condition I would literally be in tears. I cannot be alone, I have to be around people. With that, I don't think or even realise my current situation. I can't even sleep like I used to. I slept at 6 this morning, and I woke practically every hour.. then forcing myself back to sleep, finally waking up at 12. I've also been losing my appetite. And this is doing no good.

This is affecting me so much that I want to run and hide somewhere. I'm taking an advantage of the company that I have. But still, it isn't enough for me. I guess now I'm contented and totally restless.

I want to scream my lungs out.

Under construction

2007-06-02T04:50:00.000+08:00

Holy crap. Its 5 in the morning and I'm doing my blog crap. Shit. I am freaking tired but am not really sleepy. Guess I have to force myself to sleep yet again. I did it last night. Its really really difficult.

Btw, I know this sucks. If you ever stumble across my page, please get off. I will continue doing the crap tomorrow. Its time for me to hit the sack and meet my boy in dreamland cos that's the only way I can to see him. That boy worked a total of 13 and a half hours. Thats only on his first day, theres more to come. I wish I was there to comfort him.. give him some tlc and maybe some massage. Hey, that makes alot of difference ok. Ok, I must stop. I miss him terribly. And its not helping that I know he's working his ass off and I can't do anything.

There he goes..

2007-05-31T13:54:00.000+08:00

The bf has left town this morning! I tried my very best to control myself the whole morning. But once he got in the bus, I started walking to my car..
Thats when I could not control myself anymore. I'm alright now.. I feel better now I guess. Everything is gonna be different again. Hopefully this is for good.
We have not really spoken about "us" while he's in Singapore, yet. Its only a year, I'm sure I can take it. Guess I have alot to think about now.

He's away... mom will be away to Penang this weekend. Guess I'm left all by myself. :(

sobs

2007-05-29T13:59:00.000+08:00

I'm at college now waiting for class to start. I've been a good girl these days..
going to class practically everyday... :) I wonder how long is this gonna last.

Anyway, the bf will be leaving to Singapore tomorrow..and still I don't feel anything! I'll be dead tomorrow... God knows when I'm gonna be laying my eyes on him again. Another few months I suppose. But I could just go there whenever I want to cos its only 500 km away not 5000 miles. Phew..

Life is so bored. Nothing to do, no where to go without money. I miss the beach. I wanna go back to Awana... :(

What you think I should do with the bf before he leaves? Make a home cooked meal together tonight, or go out and have a nice dinner and maybe a movie?
He will definitly not go out cos he doesn't wanna waste money.

Okay, to some of you. I know what you're gonna say. Yes, I will try to do something kinky tonight.. definitly. :P Hahahahaha...

Laters..

.:EDIT:.

Yayyyyyyyyyyy!!!! Not tomorrow not tomorrow.
Just another extra day makes a lot of difference okay..

Pictures..

2007-05-14T17:11:00.000+08:00

I actually typed some stuff here already..

But then again, I better not say it yet..

In case anything goes wrong, I'm to blame

Urgh...

Anyway, holiday's over.

Class officially starts tomorrow.

Suppose to start today, but I didn't go and I didn't know.

Plus, I had quite bad cramps so, too bad.. :)

I only have time until August to fuck-around.

After that, its time for work, work and only work.

By the way, here's the pictures from our little trip.

The view on the way to the beach...

Bestfriends with boyfriends and girlfriends..

The beach..

A rare sight.. and its amazing

On the way back..

More soon I hope, malas wanna upload.

Off from today til weds!

2007-05-07T04:54:00.000+08:00

Will be gone to Terengganu later at 7 plus.

With the girlfriend and boyfriends.

I went through a whole lot for this trip..

And at the end, I thought to myself.. what for?

Why am I doing all these?

I am taking this opportunity to think things through.

Hope I get an answer for myself when I get back. :)

p/s: My blog is getting boring.. need a revamp. Don't ya think so?

TOO much to take.

2007-05-02T04:22:00.000+08:00

Need a holiday..

Need a holiday..

Need a holiday..

I have not really absorb the fact that he is leaving soon..

Need a holiday..

Need a holiday..

Most probably will be going Terengganu next week...

Please make it possible for me..

;(

2007-04-27T13:29:00.000+08:00

I finished my last paper this morning.

I thought theres a reason for me to celebrate.

But no..

I decided to fall sick yesterday.. flu, fever, sorethroat
And its gotten worst today

I woke up late this morning..

The paper sucks

I almost blackout while walking to the car

And the last thing I needed was SLEEP when I got back to his place.

I happily merrily walked in...

And he told me...

The BOMB has finally arrived!

FUCK.

He should be leaving in approximetaly 2 and a half weeks time.

THIS IS JUST GREAT.

*Around the corner*
Helpppppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cries*

Strained relationship.. no more?

2007-04-25T03:46:00.000+08:00

I wonder, is it just me thinking too much or is it really happening?
Things had been a little sour lately.
He probably couldn't realise it.
I find it so hard to talk to him these days.
Its either he won't answer, he'll reply sarcastically, or I'll get the
what-the-fuck tone of voice.
Sometimes, I just find that we both don't click at all.
This guy has a very strong mind of his own and is always firm with it.
That explains the disagreements that happens daily as I am that way too.

After all these while, I asked myself.. is it worth going through all these?
Truth is, I haven't got enough of him.
Somehow I just feel like theres more of him and it makes me
want him even more albeit all that we're going through.

Often enough, friends do ask me if I am bored...
Thats because I see him practically everyday.
Well, sometimes I do really feel boring and fed up.
But after a while it somehow just went away.
Most of the time we just leave each other alone for a ..while.
Haha.. my for a while meaning a couple of hours.. or maybe a night?

Its different you see, if you haven't seen your bf for 6 months,
and the FACT that you know that he's going away for the
next-dunno-when 1 year, how often would you see him?
I am just making out the best of the time we have.
When the bomb finally arrives, thats when I really start panicking
and going hoo-ha.

Thinking back, the last time was really funny.
I didn't quite absorb that fact that he won't be around until
I was driving back alone after dropping of lynn n simon from the airport.
I don't know if anyone had seen me.. but I was really bursting..
Hahahaha...

And for that next couple of days, I cried day and night.
Everytime someone mention about him, my eyes started tearing.
I really couldn't help it. Probably that was also because I didn't get to
talk to him. Oh yeah, talking about that, I even cried when he called.
It was a less than 5 minutes call. It was really silly of me I know.

Fact is, I blamed US for what I went through.
Thats because we started out really really close.
And all of a sudden he's leaving for 6 months.
Well, I have alot more (years!) to go through, soon.

This time around, I really don't know how its going to be.

********crosses fingers*********

I kind of spoke to him about it today.
He admitted that its his fault.
He has a problem himself... :)

Something I've been missing out.

2007-04-18T16:11:00.000+08:00

It been a stressful week.
It hit me hard looking at how hard life is turning out to be.
Nothing seems to be going right.
Emotionally.
When I woke this morning, I felt fresh, although I had only 3 hours sleep.
The morning seems to be fine until some point.
Where everything just fucks up.

Maybe I had been thinking too much.
I cannot stop thinking! I'd think of everything and anything.
Even when I was trying so hard to sleep last night, I kept telling
myself to relax and put everything aside, I need some rest. But to no avail.

*sigh*
Few days ago I had a weird dream.
I dreamt that I was getting married, but the place was gloomy and dark.
I remembered me insisting on changing a few dresses and make-ups
but the groom was nowhere to be seen.
The best thing is, my grandpa and grandma was there.
That part kinda scares me.
After that dream, thoughts of my grandma keep going thru my mind every now and then.
Then I realise how much I really really miss her.
That very day I woke up from that dream, I cried 3 times.
I don't know why.. somehow I just felt like letting it out.
:(

I had this feeling that this year is going to be a really really bad year for me.
Someone once told me that I'll be in my happiest in '08, or was it '09?
Argh, heck with it.
I need this year to be good...

*The song I just updated was the song that made everyone tear
during my cousin's wedding. This is dedicated to my beloved grandmother.

Its been long overdue.

2007-04-11T21:49:00.000+08:00

Sorry, haven't really got the chance to come online and blog
Things are doing just fine and I hope its just the same for you.

Had been busy for classes, assignments and presentations.
Exam's starting next Saturday, wish me luck.

Will update more when I have time to really be online.
;)

Happy CNY.

2007-02-16T21:09:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year is around the corner yo.
Doesn't even feels like cny to me anyway.
Mostly its because my grandmother is not here anymore,
I feel like theres not much meaning to it.
But well, I still follow the traditions.
Like no sweeping floor, washing hair on the first day.
:)

Oh well, bought some clothes today.
Should be enough. Last year I didn't even get anything.
Its gonna be a quiet new year for me for the first few days.
Almost everyone will be back in hometown and all.
And the bf is back in Penang already. :(

Will post pics of the barbeque party we had when I have the time.

Happy Chinese New Year!
in advance to everyone!

I'm late!

2007-02-14T00:34:00.000+08:00

Happy 21st to Khai Yeing!

-and also to myself. :)

And also HAPPY VALENTINES to everyone.

Fishing pics.

2007-01-18T20:03:00.000+08:00

Cb. Got abit more to post up. But, it can't seem to load. So, fuck it la.

Myself on a jolly shining day.

Darling with one of his catch.

(Note : His shirt is written. - I LOVE ANIMALS. They taste great)

Me chilling on the couch.

The main pond of TF.

The fishy's head is half gone. :P (See the eyeballs?)

This is one stupid kitcat. So we decided to put him on the roof.

Kampung Boy.

TF in the evening.

Darling with another one of the big catches.

Mind you, this fish is selling for RM130 per kg.

This one right here is about 8 - 9 kg?

You do the math. :)

Will post up more when I have time. Toodles.

I hate going for classes.

2007-01-17T17:33:00.000+08:00

.
Class has officially started.
5 subjects, 5 days a week, no good.
Assignments are already pilling up by end of the week.
Also need to prepare for a few presentations.
And public speaking sucks.

Ah, Yeing & I have came up with a conclusion.
We'll most probably have a small gathering for our birthdays.
That way, everyone can come along and its so much easier.

Well, I have been really lazy ever since the bf came back.
All we do is laze around the house, watch him cook all the time,
play with the fishes in pond, fight for the laptop,
yam char, sleep alot, go out once in a while,
and doing the thing he loves most - fishing.

He stayed at TFP for 4 days 3 nights, in total 84 hours.
All he did was fish, fish, fish, eat, took some naps in between.
I joined him on his 2nd day, and I stayed over for 2 nights.
For 2 nights, I slept in the car. But its alrite.

Its already middle of the month huh, time passes really fast.
His visa might be out anytime soon. *crosses fingers*
I want nothing but the best for him. :)

Heres some highlight from TFP :

-Edit

Blogger's being a bitch, can't post any pics. Maybe laters.

Am going insane, really.

2007-01-08T23:58:00.000+08:00

.
For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven
A time to be born, and a time to die
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted
A time to kill, and a time to heal
A time to break down, and a time to build up
A time to weep, and a time to laugh
A time to mourn, and a time to dance
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing
A time to seek, and a time to lose
A time to keep, and a time to throw away
A time to tear, and a time to sew
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak
A time to love, and a time to hate
A time for war, and a time for peace.

.......................................................................................................................

Man, I'll be turning 21 in a month's time. Woot.
Have not really decided as to how to celebrate it.
We'll see how it goes.

Girls, I know each and everyone of us are busy with one way or another
with the jobs, bfs, studies, family and such..
But bare in mind that you girls are always in my thought.
I need you to keep me sane! Take good care of yourself. :)

Welcome to 2007!

2007-01-01T03:24:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year everyone!

I bet you guys had a great time.

I started my new year working my ass off washing the damn car
alone outside in the wee hours.
The boyfriend vomitted while I was driving.. so he kinda painted the car.
Great.

*sigh*

Well, it just hit me that new year means a year older.
I didn't even realise its new year's eve when I woke up yesterday noon.
Getting older brings more stress, I don't like that.

I just hope that this year will be a better year for me.
Study wise, relationship wise with boyfriend and family,
health wise (hope to stop smoking and get a full medical check up!),
wealth and just about everything else.
The past 2 years had been quite rough.

Before I go,
I hope it that 2007 will be a better year for you too.
May you be blessed with good health, wealth, lots of happiness & prosperity.
I love you guys.

Good nite.

P/s : The bf is asleep. We're heading to PD with his family at 7. URGH!

Double wishes..

2006-12-25T14:31:00.000+08:00

Happy 20th Birthday Chin Sue Ann!

Have lotsa fun.

Love.

And wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas!

Its the time of the year again..

2006-12-24T03:02:00.000+08:00

Here's the season to be jolly , tra la la la la, la la, la la..

*

Christmas time, time to share our love
COme and join the tidings to the world
Christmas time, the best time of the year
Yes, its christmas time..

Well, I'm not really a christmas person but I just love those happy songs!

Christmas is a day away. Have you got your plans? :)

Time passes really fast huh. We are going into a new year already.
Which means, a year older and more stress.

So, have this year been a good year for you?
Take a good look back to the beginning of this year.
Had things turned out the way you expected?
Were there more ups or downs?
Have you been naughty or been good?

Well, whatever it is.
Be thankful that you are able to go through another year with your loved ones.
Some people doesn't have that privilege.

Merry Christmas ya'll !

Happy holidays people!

2006-12-08T13:06:00.000+08:00

I'm still very much alive and kicking, no worries.

:)

P/s : Am currently having a 3 hours break in between until my next paper.
Good luck to me. I am fucking sleepy now. Ish.

The intruder invades!

2006-11-21T12:46:00.000+08:00

Because i dont want to open this page and see the same damn post reen posted up almost a decade ago, i'm gonna update for her! :)

This is also because i'm such a good friend, so her readers won't get bored of her. hahah

And because i'm such a good, no wait, make that a great friend hehe, i'm gonna post my pretty face here to make it interesting again. And also to wish myself for her should she not be able to come online on the 25th and wish me herself.
Happy early birthday lynnie sugar darlin! Love and respect you always, Reenie. :)

It had been planned weeks ago that we would all go out for dinner on Thursday to celebrate me growing out from my teen phase, somewhere nice in Hartamas. But, last night reen and i decided that we would all just go to Italiannis in OU as it is much nearer.

Talking about my teen phase, few days left of it and more pimples are popping out like daisies in the sun. Now there's two hard ones at the head of both my eyebrows. What is this man? Seriously la, i hope these massive pimples are the last of my teenage-breakout batch. Wouldn't wanna be a late bloomer and endure being called 'pizza face' after my teen years.

Alright, i think that's enough updating about me. As for reen, she's currently busy running errands like a chamber maid for her cousin's wedding and earning more dough so that she can enjoy under a blanket of stars with her baby once he's back.

-Guest blogger aka LynnieHerMajesty.

Long overdue..

2006-11-08T12:04:00.001+08:00

Blogger has been a bitch, couldn't post anything few days ago.
And then, the connection has problem. Got strike by lightning I guess.
So I won't be online often. Unless I'm at coll.

Will spend the 11-19 working at BSC, promoting baby milk.
Yes you got that right, BABY MILK. :)
Haha, I need cash quite urgently cos he's is coming back soon.
And I won't have time to work in December.

Talking about him. He has been quite sweet these days.
Hehehe. I love this boy. :)

Gotta go now, laters.

2006-11-04T06:54:00.000+08:00

One year ago,

A friend of yours hinted me about your big day

We were normal friends then

We often bump into each other,

but seldom sit on the same table

We were like some shy school kids

We would chat online every night without fail

You didn't exactly say that you were after me

But your actions showed.

One year later,

We are no longer just friends

Your presence changed my life

I never regret a single day being with you

My feelings for you have not changed since day one

Its your BIG DAY today.

I can't be by your side to celebrate with this with you

I hope you liked the gifts I sent.

We'll have a real celebration when you get home

Happy 20th Birthday!
.
Missing you

Love.

I will know when the time is right..

2006-10-31T11:36:00.000+08:00

.
It will be a jam packed these coming 2 months.
I listed down the amount of people coming back next month..
and the events that will be happening. I think its almost full.
The free time I have after my exams will be spent mostly with him.
So much catching up to do, and he'll be back only for about a month.
Come January, I'm back to being all alone again.

Well, I haven't really got into the fact that he'll be going off again so soon.
I'm trying hard not to think of it, just yet.
Problem is, nobody knows how long he is going to be away this time.
He said, he'll want to come back at least once a year.
Does that mean that he'll be away for another 4, 5 years or more?
The past 5 months was hard enough to bare for me.
*sigh* I don't want to let go, and I don't wanna see him go.
But I don't have a choice. Someone asked me to pursued him to stay when
he comes back. I said to her No, I can't do that. Even though my heart is
asking him not to go. Its his life, and his career & I want the best for him.
I'm doing all that I could, I just hope he understands his part as well.
If 'WE' really do work out in future, I don't want to regret not supporting
him in building up his career. Well, I guess I come in close 2nd after his career.
:) I just hope he understands that, whatever he does, I'll be there to support him.

And for the past week, I missed him much more than ever.
Counting down to another 4 weekends.

Boo.

2006-10-28T20:13:00.000+08:00

Holidays are over. Tomorrow's the last day.
Then its back to classes, classes and exam.
Boring. And I have not finished my assignment due on Monday.

Have to go now to pick the girls up.. laters.

* 31 more days til my baby gets back!

You made my day..

2006-10-24T15:28:00.001+08:00

.
So much for making decision, crying over nothings for the past couple of days.
You made it all right again with just a phone call.
Things are getting better, I couldn't be happier.
Seems like updating each other about our lives within the last 5 months wasn't easy.
That particular phone call was never ending.
But it was a damn good one, just like how it was before.
That, made me miss him even more.
4 ½ more weeks! I really can't wait.

P/s: Thank *YOU*..for whatever you've done for me.
Chill out, don't stress k.. You know you can always count on me.
All you need to do is just ask open up.. Love yaaaaa.

2006-10-18T18:45:00.000+08:00

I've made up I've made up I've made up my mind.

Now its just the action.. and the right time. :)

Its not you, its me?

2006-10-18T15:37:00.000+08:00

They always say, if you love someone, let them go.

Loving someone is seeing that person happy.

So in my case now, who should let who go?

Let the past be buried..

2006-10-12T19:40:00.000+08:00

.:Edit:.

True enough. Another person from my past rolled in.

This is getting scary. While talking to someone last night over the phone,

a person from her past sent her a msg on msn. She said its my fault.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Being sick last weekend only made me lazier.
I've been so lazy to go class, go out or just about anything at all.
I tend to get all stuck up myself and get moody. Not good.
But anyways, life does goes on.
I've tried not fretting over things that had happened.
Its out of my control.. so I might as well just let it be.
At the mean time that is. I just have to be patience
and wait for the right time.

Today, I chatted with someone on msn, someone that I
have not spoken to for over 2 years.
I figured that I've actually forgotten about the past long time ago..
The hatred and anger I have towards her are all gone.
I've grown up, and I've learn not to have enemies.
Oh and.. a long lost friend called me the other day.
I saw the number on my phone caller id, and said to myself..
Who's number is this.. it looks damn familiar.
And it struck me! Its someone I have not spoken for sometime too..
Luckily I didn't pick up and ask who is this.
She's someone really nice, and we've been through
alot together during school days.

Anyway, I hope to meet up with long lost friend soon.
We sure have alot to talk about, lotsa updates!
Also, I've been wondering, these 2 persons were
once someone close to me, and at the same time this week,
they both reappeared.. I wonder what else's coming back, into my life.
As you know me, I don't like surprises. Pfft.

* P/s : Jen Ai, I almost got into an accident last night. No thanks to you.
Urgh! But I am GLAD that you're fine now. Will see you soon okay.
Take good care babe.

I never hoped for this.

2006-10-10T18:26:00.000+08:00

.
I am very very very tired of this.

Please help me,

Stop all my sufferings.

I'm afraid I might kill myself, soon.

Fucked up.

2006-10-08T17:25:00.000+08:00

Stupid haze.
I knew this was coming but didn't know it'll be this bad.
I've been on my bed the whole day and night yesterday.
I felt so weak and couldn't do anything.
Stupid flu, fever, sore throat and cough. Urgh.
Spoiled my whole weekend.

Pups.

2006-10-04T18:04:00.000+08:00

.
I want one of theseeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Boiling..

2006-09-26T19:55:00.000+08:00

.
Its just one of those days where everything & everyone
just have to piss the shit out of me. That includes yesterday.

I tried to keep calm and take deep breaths.. but it still wouldn't work.
Part of me feels like screaming and the other part feels like breaking down.

Well, maybe I've just been too tired.
Haven't had a good rest since last week.

I need a holiday! Maybe I just need my boyfriend, like someone said.

Damn.

Looking forward to the weekends.

2006-09-19T23:19:00.000+08:00

I'm looking forward to Batu Pahat this weekend to
visit my cousins and at the same time to attend a wedding dinner.
I miss them so much I can't resist skipping class on Saturday to go there.
I already planned nicely which dress to wear for the dinner.
And then today I was kinda forced into going to my college's Orientation Night on Friday.
Pfft!. Now I have to think what to wear for that.
I was thinking of the black dress I wore for my cousin's wedding,
but on 2nd thoughts maybe I should go with the other 2 dresses that I have not worn before.
Super headache. Ish.

Tiredness is killing me. But then again, I had some happy news today!
So theres a reason for me to smile to sleep tonight.
I should dry my hair and head to the bed now.
:)

The day a F-crue was born.

2006-09-16T18:41:00.000+08:00

Happy 19th Birthday Aaven Chen!

Big boy alreadyyyyyyyy! Be good yar.
Have a great time and lotsa fun.
Lotsa love.

The day a babe was born.

2006-09-15T11:03:00.000+08:00

Happy 20th Birthday Liann Yap!

It might just have been 4 yrs since I first knew you,

but it seems like its been forever.

Stay just the way that you are. We love you that.

This is your special day, so enjoy!

And say bye bye to your teenhood.

Love you lots babe. *Hugs & kisses*

Random

2006-09-14T21:57:00.000+08:00

Been so tired running in and out of college everyday.
Not enough sleep, insomnia kicked in again.
So I thought I would have time for myself on weekends
but I was wrong. I have class on Saturdays.

Anyway, a certain issue has been bothering me lately.
And I can't do anything about it.
Ok, maybe there is something I can do.
But the question is, how?
*sigh*
This is really really bad.

Gtg now, pick mom and head home.
Laters.

.

2006-09-11T20:41:00.000+08:00

And if you will,

I will, try to let it go..

21. I'll be there in exactly 5 months. :)

2006-09-08T16:15:00.000+08:00

Can you name 21 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Dont read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people.

Ready, Start!

1. Edmund
2. Sue Lynn
3. Khai Yeing
4. Li Lian
5. Liann
6. Jen Ai
7. Adrian
8. Eric
9. Sue Ann
10. Simon
11. Lionel
12. Michelle
13. Seven
14. Peter
15. Carmen
16. Edwin
17. Hung
18. Boon
19. Sean
20. Ben
21. Aaven

THE QUESTIONS:

How did you meet 14?
Apparently he's my cousin brother.

What would you do if you never met 6?
There wasn't anything I could do because I wouldn't know she existed in the first place. But I'm glad I met her, 12 years ago. :)

What would you do if 20 and 9 date?
Muahaha, I'll be really happy but its unlikely to happen.

Did you ever like 5?
Yeap, I love her. In fact, if I didn't like her I wouldn't be mixing around with her.

Would 3 and 12 make a good couple?
Nah, one's my babe and the other's my cousin sister. How could it be possible?

Describe 8:
Oh god, he's a farn hai. Forever bugging me to fetch him, asking me for ciggarettes but he's a nice boy, though. I hope he finds someone nice.

Do you think 13 is attrative?
Yeap, definitly. He's good looking and has good sense of humour. Btw, he's the new addition of the ka-zen's.

Tell me something about 17:
He's the younger brother of 13. He's just as good looking as his brother. Really nice guy. Glad that I met him though.

Do you know any of 4's family members?
Hmmm, yeah? I know her mum, her dad, her brothers?

What's 21's favourite colour?
Uncle likes, Orange? Pink? Blue? Come on, one of them must be right!

What would you do if 18 confessed that he/she liked you?
Omg, I'd probably freak weh. We share a mother and son relationship people.

What languages that 20 speak?
Hmm.. cantonese, english, malay, mandarin & hokkien. Thats about it, I guess.

Who is 9 going out with?
No one at the moment. She's enjoying everybit of her singlehood right now.

What does 16 do?
He's an auditor in Australia.

When was the last time you talked to 13?
About 1 and a half month back? Will be talking to him again in November.

What perfume does number 2 use?
I don't think she normally uses perfumes. She has a kind of lotion smell on her sometimes. Mind me, it does smell good but weird. :P

Would you ever date 7?
Muahahahaha. Would you ever date your own brother?

Would you ever date 1?
Hmm.. yeah. I am actually currently dating him now, minus the distance. :)

Is 15 single?
Nope. She hasn't been single for the past 11 years. She's getting married in December.

What is 19's last name?
Yung.

Would you ever want to be in a a serious relationship with 11?
Our relationship is indeed serious. We're cousin's, who has been living together under one roof for a while. Can it get more serious?

What school does 3 go to?
Oh gosh. The schools that she went to is confusing. Yuk Chai, Tmn Sea, Sri Kl, Perth, Tazmania and now Monash/Vu? She might be heading to Melbourne next year. :(

Where does 10 live?
This canto-pop rocker lives in Tmn Tun.

What's your favourite thing about 10?
Hmmm, nothing actually. Just that he's my girlfriend's boyfriend, so I don't have a choice. I... am... just kidding. He's a nice guy, a joker and a potential husband for no.2 in future.

Have you seen number 13 naked?
Top half or bottom half?

Mind me, I'm bored.

Chinese looking with grey eyes.

2006-09-07T16:25:00.000+08:00

Isn't she the cutest thing ever?

2006-09-05T16:28:00.000+08:00

Why does every fucking thing has to be this way?
What the fuck is wrong with him?
Why is he being so fucked up?
How can it bother me like fuck after so long?
Why do I have to fucking feel like fuck?
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I feel very fucked.

Urgh..Fuck off.

Dream Of Me..

2006-09-04T20:21:00.000+08:00

.
Let me sleep

For when I sleep I dream that you are here

You're mine

And all my fears are left behind

.
I float on air

The nightingale sings gentle lullabies

So let me close my eyes

.
And sleep, a chance to dream

So I can see the face I long to touch, to kiss

But only dreams can bring me this
.

So let the moon shine softly on the boy I long to see

And maybe when he dreams, he'll dream of me

I hide beneath the clouds

And whisper to the evening stars

They tell me love is just a dream away, dream away

I'll dream away...
.

So let the moon shine softly on the boy I long to see

And maybe when he dreams, he'll dream of me..

Is my time through?

2006-08-30T13:51:00.000+08:00

.
I have been scaring myself. Or maybe not.

I couldn't sleep last night; I tossed and turned around til one moment... I stopped. I just stopped moving, curled myself up..And just lay there. I felt so weak, so restless and suddenly everything seems to peaceful to me. I wasn't all that sleepy. I didn't dare to fall asleep actually. I was afraid that I might not wake up... for life. The thoughts of just lying down there, not waking up when someone keeps knocking at my door scares me. I just didn’t move a single inch then.. my thoughts started running wild. I was imagining things. Like I got crashed by a big truck, was smashed to death. Like if I got snatched but I didn't want to let go and the fucker just used the parang and slash me or maybe stab with a knife. And I was imagining my funeral.. After a while I fell asleep, but I woke up feeling the same shitty feeling I had last night. Heh.. I know I'm crazy. I think I am too.

Btw, with the amount of crime rates, snatch thefts that's been happening rather often lately. Everywhere, anytime, it is happening. I was considered lucky in my past experience. I could have died. Seriously. Well, honestly, you won't understand how it felt that time unless you were me. I couldn't care less about anything when it happened, I just screamed my lungs out, kicked them like motherfcuker, and I didn't even realise I was punched on my cheek and my ears. My nose was bleeding, and the buttons on my shirt were all opened. Oh yeah, one side my shoe came off when they dragged me out from the car. I came to conclusion that, the reason why I was punched so fucking hard, was because I kicked them on the right spot.I was on a sitting position and they were both trying to drag me out of the car, and my shoes were the thick 2 inch heel, so can you imagine if your balls got kicked so hard that your mother couldn't even recognise you? (Applied to male species only) Yeah, so that was it.
Until today, I still get phobias here and there. Probably I'm paranoid.

Borderline is, you never know when is your time coming by.
You'll never know. Things can happen anywhere, anytime..
so please to be cautious in whatever you do.

If someday I am not here anymore, and I didn't have a last word with any of you.. just remember that I wrote this.
I'm sorry if I ever offended you, piss you off, scolded you or whatever. I am sorry to those I took for granted, people who were friends before but not-so-friend anymore now, friends that I have not been in contact with,and particularly to my girls. You girls are like my sisters. Have been through the ups and downs together with me for years. I will not be complete without any of you. I mean it. Much love. & my boy, I don't know what is happening now.. and I don't know what is going to happen next. Whatever it is, just remember that I will still love you no matter what happens.
You will always be in my thoughts.

2006-08-28T20:17:00.000+08:00

I guess nobody wants to grow up. I miss those times when I was still at school. There is no worries about the future, not so much that is. Just struggle to wake up daily to go school and after school just get home and chill. My main focus now is to get the damn cert and start working. I want my mom to have better life. She has been working for over 26 years
and I think its time for her to stop since we are already so grown up.

Next 5 years I hope she can already have a grandchild to take care of. But of course, not mine, but my brother's. I probably will be ahead of him though, with the attitude he is having now.
Omg, its killer weh. Its nice having to be called auntie by my sibling's kid. . okay, I am thinking too far now. Back to reality. I have another 8 months to finish off my cert. 8 months, should be passing quite fast.

Short term, looking forward to November. There are too many issues going on now. Maybe its just me, I don't know. LDR sucks big time. Now I understand.
Its nice seeing people having no problems even though both are on different side of the world. But mine is killing me day by day.

I should stop thinking. To heck with him, for the mean time. I know, I am confident that things are gonna be just fine when he comes back in Nov. I just have to struggle for another 3 months.
I hope nothing is going to fuck it up.

Semester break...

2006-08-28T15:34:00.000+08:00

I don't quite need a holiday right now.
When the boredom strikes in, I tend to think nonsense.
But it's just a mere 2 weeks holiday.
After this, my schedule will be pack I suppose.
I'm hoping to get a part time job a BodyShop as soon as possible.
For me to past time, and earn some pocket money as well.

I always loved weekends. I stay in most weekends to do my laundry
and to clean up my room, and relax.
I feel tired most of the times on weekdays.
Don't know whats happening to my body.

By the way, I should be heading to the door now.
Suppose to meet up with Lynn at Centrepoint in 15 minutes.
Laters.

Silliness...

2006-08-24T20:17:00.000+08:00

Here's some silly random pictures with fond memories.

20082006

2006-08-20T05:42:00.000+08:00

You've seen me at my weakest, you've been someone I could lean on,

my pillar of strength.

You made me happy not only cause of your silliness but also because

moments with you were the happiest I have ever been.

You never fail to make me feel like I'm the most loved person when you tug me to bed each night

and feeling so thankful cause you're the first person I see when I open my eyes every morning.

Although you are now 583894758 miles away.. I still feel that you are near.

Remember the time you told me that

we'll pull of this long distance for sure..

We are half way through now.

Another 100 days and I'll be back in your arms again.

I love you for everything that you are. :)

Happy 6 months Darling!

So much to do, so little time!

2006-08-19T23:34:00.000+08:00

These days, I always look forward to weekends.
Reason, because its the time that I get to sleep all I want.
I don't sleep much these days, makes me feel so tired.
I spent the whole day cleaning up my room,
changed my bedspread and its all squeky clean now.
I still have a pile of dirty laundry to do. Urgh.
And its not helping that my nose is fucking up on me.
Its been leaking like a pipe the whole day.

I have an assignment due on monday.
I HAVE to finish it tonight in order to print it out in time tomorrow.
I don't think I can sleep tonight.
Plus, exam is next week already.
There isn't much to study just a little on Moral.
I don't want to fail, and the subject is so boring.
I am so fucking tired.. pyshically and emotionally.
:(

My perception of love..

2006-08-16T00:19:00.000+08:00

2 days ago, someone asked me..

"Do you think you love him?", "What is love leh?".
It suddenly struck me.. and I thought about it for a while.

I answered her, love is like you just want to share everything with him,

having the needs to be with him, where you want everything to be the best for him, and is happy just because he is happy.
The way he holds me and says 'I love you' before we fall asleep each night,

feeling thankful to wake up beside him each morning

even though we've had a fight the night before.
Like how we spend time talking til the wee hours in the morning,

just admiring his actions, his tone of voice, movement and expression.
Expressing every single little thoughts I have for him,

missing him the minute we finished talking on the phone.

And not getting enough of him.

To love someone, you don't have to truly understand a person.

You don't have to ask for anything more from him.

You don't need him to be someone special to love him.
Cos, loving him in the first place already makes him special.

The beginning of love, is to let those we love be perfectly themselves

and not twist them with our own image.
Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

There were moments when I really miss him that I want to pick him

from my dreams and hug him for real.

Others were I woke up realising that I was tearing while dreaming of him.

To me, nothing beats family love. I feel so grateful that

I have such supportive family. I once went to this horoscope reading thingy,

she said that I had a major change in myself when I turned 11.

She said, I only realised the importance of family 2 years back.

Thinking back, what she said was true.

We are now closer than ever and I just can't live without any of them.

Now, what's your perception of love?

Emotionally wrecked.

2006-08-13T17:45:00.000+08:00

It was an emotional day today.
My aunt's husband was cremated at the same place as my grandma.
So coincidence, it was the exact same room that we were in 1 and a half years ago.
Brings back lotsa sad and painful memories.
Just a couple of days ago.. My uncle played the funeral's dvd.
As I sat there watching, I couldn't help but cried.
It didn't seem that it happened all that long ago,
it felt like only a couple of months back.
Everytime I pray to her, in my heart, I always say, if you've got anything to say or you want please just let us dream about it..
But so far, only my aunt dream about her.
She probably had all that she needs wherever she is now.
Call me supersticious or whatever, long time ago, I don't believe in all these.
Ever since my grandma passed away, I believed some stuffs.
I only believe in things that has got to do with her.
I feel a pain in my heart everytime I think of her.
I miss having her around, I think everyone does.

There's another person that I've been missing like hell too.
For the past 2 nights, some msg came in at about 6-7 in the morning,
I checked my phone with a hope .. but I was crushed, yet again.
Its not that things aren't going right, just that maybe its not going the way that I want it to be, thats why I'm feeling like this.
I don't want to be feeling like this, I just can't help it.
I have not spoke to him on the phone for about 2 weeks.
Other than that, when we're online.. its just some mutual stuff.
He once said, he still love me, but not like before.
What is that suppose to mean?
Its either he lost feelings, or he does more.
I don't want to bring up the topic and then we both would be unhappy about it.
Its another 2 weeks to 3 months, I just can't wait.
I guess I just have to be patient and.. give him all the time and space he needs.
Its not so hard to do after all.
I just hate sleeping all by myself on a cold lonely night.

What is the meaning of life, does one really know?

2006-08-11T16:05:00.000+08:00

*sigh*
My mom's eldest sister's husband just passed away.
One month ago, it was her other sister's husband.
Four months ago, was her brother.

You never know when its gonna be our turn.
Today you might be glad that you're happily living your life..
But tomorrow you might be gone.
Ironic isn't it.
On my dad's side.. there were 4 funerals last year including
my late-grandma's.
And this is the 3rd this year.. all from my mom's side.

I can honestly tell you that I am not afraid of death.
What I am afraid of, is the way that I am going to die.
That is why I always say, Live your life like there's no tomorrow.
NO ONE will know what is going to happen tomorrow.

I feel like shit today.
My chest is feeling so tight that I could hardly breathe.. and my head seems so heavy.
And the news that I just got is not helping.

* * * * * * * * * ****** * ************************************************ **********************************************************

I miss.

2006-08-09T21:29:00.000+08:00

This is so sweetttttttttttttttt. Pfft.

I miss being with someone. So much.

Question

2006-08-03T02:32:00.000+08:00

.
.
Should I hang on to it.. or should I let go ?

Lost.

2006-07-31T04:04:00.000+08:00

I've been trying to break down your walls

But I don't know how to get through

You say that you want me

You say that you need me

But baby, I need more from you

You've gotta take my hand

And lead me to where you are

You know I'll follow

To show me the way to your heart

It's quiet here tonight

There's a light burning far away

It burns in my heart

In the rain, in the dark

I'm not bending tonight

But I'm twisted and turned and broken down

I'm starting to know the sound

Of nothing and no one and yet everything

I don't understand

What's slipping through these hands

You'd think by now I'd know when to let go

So here I am

And I'm throwing down my one last hope

Here I am

Won't somebody stand, stand by me..

Procrastinating

2006-07-29T18:14:00.000+08:00

I have 2 assignments already..and its only the 3rd week of class.
And I have not started anything, yet.
I don't dare to think how many more would be coming in the next semester.
Damn. School sucks.-

People from Sweden are slowly going back to their respective homes.
Which of course, makes me life miserable because I would be bored to death in the next coming months.
I enjoyed their company so much. We keep each other entertaint.
I had lotsa fun helping my cousin plan her wedding.
It was all over in a just a couple of hours.
I couldn't really enjoy that night, cos I was so freaking tired.
Ran here and there, help her change, go up and down of the hotel like no one's business,
woke up really early in the morning, rehearsal and making sure everything is alright.
I didn't even have the time entertain anyone what say eat.
By the time I got back to my table, the food was already cold.
I lost all my appetite. And I over-drank with an empty stomach.
But it was all worth it. Everyone really had fun.
There were lotsa compliments saying that it was very well organised.
Thank goodness.
The one I'm looking forward next is my other cousin sister's wedding in December.
I can't be the bride's maid again because they claimed that one can't be a bride's maid for too many times if not one will have problem getting married in future. Crap.
But I have no complains. Its alright.
I just help her do other stuffs for that matter.
So many people got married/getting married.. so nice.

Anyways, its time to get ready for dinner.
Everyone was on diet before the wedding,
but now that it's over, all eating like mad.
Everyday lunch, dinner and supper without fail.
We will be heading to Sevenatenine for after dinner party.

Laters.
=)

.

2006-07-29T04:09:00.000+08:00

I miss my baby.

Its only been 2 months since he left.
There's 4 more to go.
Help - me.

22nd July 2006.

2006-07-26T17:40:00.000+08:00

Sorry had been very very very busy. Recovering from the weekend madness. Superb tired but it's all well worth it.
Everyone had fun, I mean everyone.. from 2 years olds to 50+ were all on the dance floor. It was a small but grand occasion for the whole family.
I wish both Seven & Michelle all the best in the future and may happiness and wealth grow for them!

This is just like 0.0005% of the pics.

The BridesMaid, The Bride, The Groom and The BestMan.

The wedding entourage.
Ellie the Flowergirl, Ji Chern the PageBoy,
Me the Bride'sMaid, Hung the BestMan,
Michelle the Bride & Seven the Groom.

Jessie, Bro, Dad, Mom & Me.

Family portrait.

The BestMan & The Bride'sMaid.

I hate waiting.

2006-07-13T12:39:00.000+08:00

.
.
I have 3½ hours to kill before class starts again. Urgh.
Its not helping that the stupid traffic around that area are always conjested.
I finish first one during lunch hour..and the other one during off-work hours.
Go back to office and work over time la.. damnit.

Oh yeah, and the funniest story today ..
I've got KungFu class tomorrow. Wtf? I didn't sign up for a KungFu class weh.
*sigh*.. anyhow its okay, free self-defence class. (am trying to console myself ok?)
Will try to make excuse not to go. Gtg now.. laters!

Selfishness.

2006-07-10T17:09:00.000+08:00

I hate it how some people can be so selfish. They just couldn't care less about other people's feelings.
I understand it if someone you don't fancy then its alright.. but this is towards someone you claim that you love.
You only cared about yourself, have you ever thought of my situation?
Will you have the heart to be mean and cold when you're like 58947537483 miles away?
I tried to be patient.. I tried to hang on.. I did everything that I could to get my mind off you..
I look forward to weekends just to speak to you, but the weekends never came.
You gave me hopes.. but you crushed them all..
You gave me empty promises..
I feel like you're a total stranger. And there's nothing I could do about it.

*

On the other side, my mom's sister's husband just passed away yesterday evening.
Mom and I went over to visit him in the afternoon and he passed away about 2 hours later.
He was still very conscious and aware about his surroundings and people around him.
We got a shock when we heard about it. It is very saddening. He is such a nice man.
~ R.I.P Uncle Teoh ~

This is the 2nd funeral I've been to within the last 3 months.
It saddens me, I don't like seeing people losing their loved ones.
Because I had already lost someone which I truly loved.
I still think about her from time to time, I still miss her like mad,
At times, I still wish that she's still around.
Well, this is life isn't it.

*

Btw, school starts tomorrow!
I am so not excited.
I have bought my school bag, pencil box, new pencils, erasers.. all in pink! [bimbo alert!]
Muahahahaha. =)

I don't know you anymore

2006-07-03T20:37:00.000+08:00

I would like to visit you for a while

Get away and out of this city

Maybe I shouldn't have called

But someone had to be the first to break

We can go sit on your back porch

Relax

Talk about anything

It don't matter

I'll be courageous

If you can pretend that you've forgiven me

Because I don't know you anymore

I don't recognize this place

The picture frames have changed and so has your name

We don't talk much anymore

We keep running from the pain

But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

Springtime in the city

Always such relief from the winter freeze

The snow was more lonely than cold

If you know what I mean

Everyone's got an agenda

Don't stop

Keep that chin up you'll be alright

Can you believe what a year it's been

Are you still the same?

Has your opinion changed?

Because I don't know you anymore

I don't recognize this place

The picture frames have changed and so has your name

We don't talk much anymore

We keep running from the pain

But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

I see your face

Baby fever.

2006-06-11T15:16:00.000+08:00

My baby cousin brother is back from Singapore!
I miss that boy so much. . . he's such a nuisance.
I had to babysit him yesterday cos his parents wanted to go for a movie.
He can talk so well now, he follows everything you tell him to say. .
Anyway, its a good thing that they'll be back for a while.
Plus, my aunt's arriving from Sweden tomorrow.
So that I can have something to keep myself busy.
I can play with baby, play with my cousin sister, paint her nails,
gossip with my aunt, smoke with her, go shopping, whatever!

New chapter.

2006-06-09T14:38:00.000+08:00

I figured that there were bad memories and bad posts in my last blog so I decided to change it.
Let the past be buried. Plus, things I wrote there were kinda dumb and I wish I didn't write that. Moving on the new chapter of my life.. things between me and Edmund are going on well.. I don't want to let anything spoil it. And the fact that he knows everything about my past and reads my blog, seemed like he didn't mind one single bit, or maybe he really doesn't mind. But I just don't want anything to remind him of my past especially some particular people which he really hates.
People would say, 'its only 6 months'.. but to me, its 6 long dreadful months!
He hasn't even been away for 2 weeks, but it seems like its been months.
The longest I've been apart from him was probably 3 days, maximum.
It seems like we can't live without each other. I hope nothing goes wrong. *crosses fingers*
Anyway, I'm starting class in July. I just can't wait to get something to do because the loneliness is killing me. I might start working next week, not too sure yet.

Rants about life & everything else that comes with it..

What hurts the most..

Goodbye My Almost Lover..

No Happen Ending..

20012008

Update

New leash..

Favourite!

From the other side of the island.

Happy 21st Lynn!

Home.

Pieces don't fit here anymore..

MIA

You're officially legally legal!

Exam woes..

It's suppose to be a happy day...

I miss you.

Happy Bday to my one and only!

Pangs of loneliness..

Under construction

There he goes..

*sobs*

Pictures..

Off from today til weds!

TOO much to take.

Strained relationship.. no more?

Something I've been missing out.

Its been long overdue.

Happy CNY.

I'm late!

Fishing pics.

I hate going for classes.

Am going insane, really.

Welcome to 2007!

Double wishes..

Its the time of the year again..

Happy holidays people!

The intruder invades!

Long overdue..

I will know when the time is right..

Boo.

You made my day..

Its not you, its me?

Let the past be buried..

I never hoped for this.

Fucked up.

Pups.

Boiling..

Looking forward to the weekends.

The day a F-crue was born.

The day a babe was born.

Random

.

21. I'll be there in exactly 5 months. :)

Chinese looking with grey eyes.

Dream Of Me..

Is my time through?

Semester break...

Silliness...

20082006

So much to do, so little time!

My perception of love..

Emotionally wrecked.

What is the meaning of life, does one really know?

I miss.

Question

Lost.

Procrastinating

.

22nd July 2006.

I hate waiting.

Selfishness.

I don't know you anymore

Baby fever.

New chapter.

sobs