Is my time through?

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I have been scaring myself. Or maybe not.

I couldn't sleep last night; I tossed and turned around til one moment... I stopped. I just stopped moving, curled myself up..And just lay there. I felt so weak, so restless and suddenly everything seems to peaceful to me. I wasn't all that sleepy. I didn't dare to fall asleep actually. I was afraid that I might not wake up... for life. The thoughts of just lying down there, not waking up when someone keeps knocking at my door scares me. I just didn’t move a single inch then.. my thoughts started running wild. I was imagining things. Like I got crashed by a big truck, was smashed to death. Like if I got snatched but I didn't want to let go and the fucker just used the parang and slash me or maybe stab with a knife. And I was imagining my funeral.. After a while I fell asleep, but I woke up feeling the same shitty feeling I had last night. Heh.. I know I'm crazy. I think I am too.

Btw, with the amount of crime rates, snatch thefts that's been happening rather often lately. Everywhere, anytime, it is happening. I was considered lucky in my past experience. I could have died. Seriously. Well, honestly, you won't understand how it felt that time unless you were me. I couldn't care less about anything when it happened, I just screamed my lungs out, kicked them like motherfcuker, and I didn't even realise I was punched on my cheek and my ears. My nose was bleeding, and the buttons on my shirt were all opened. Oh yeah, one side my shoe came off when they dragged me out from the car. I came to conclusion that, the reason why I was punched so fucking hard, was because I kicked them on the right spot.I was on a sitting position and they were both trying to drag me out of the car, and my shoes were the thick 2 inch heel, so can you imagine if your balls got kicked so hard that your mother couldn't even recognise you? (Applied to male species only) Yeah, so that was it.
Until today, I still get phobias here and there. Probably I'm paranoid.

Borderline is, you never know when is your time coming by.
You'll never know. Things can happen anywhere, anytime..
so please to be cautious in whatever you do.

If someday I am not here anymore, and I didn't have a last word with any of you.. just remember that I wrote this.
I'm sorry if I ever offended you, piss you off, scolded you or whatever. I am sorry to those I took for granted, people who were friends before but not-so-friend anymore now, friends that I have not been in contact with,and particularly to my girls. You girls are like my sisters. Have been through the ups and downs together with me for years. I will not be complete without any of you. I mean it. Much love. & my boy, I don't know what is happening now.. and I don't know what is going to happen next. Whatever it is, just remember that I will still love you no matter what happens.
You will always be in my thoughts.