I finished my last paper this morning.

I thought theres a reason for me to celebrate.

But no..

I decided to fall sick yesterday.. flu, fever, sorethroat
And its gotten worst today

I woke up late this morning..

The paper sucks

I almost blackout while walking to the car

And the last thing I needed was SLEEP when I got back to his place.

I happily merrily walked in...

And he told me...


The BOMB has finally arrived!

FUCK.

He should be leaving in approximetaly 2 and a half weeks time.

THIS IS JUST GREAT.


*Around the corner*
Helpppppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cries*

Strained relationship.. no more?

I wonder, is it just me thinking too much or is it really happening?
Things had been a little sour lately.
He probably couldn't realise it.
I find it so hard to talk to him these days.
Its either he won't answer, he'll reply sarcastically, or I'll get the
what-the-fuck tone of voice.
Sometimes, I just find that we both don't click at all.
This guy has a very strong mind of his own and is always firm with it.
That explains the disagreements that happens daily as I am that way too.

After all these while, I asked myself.. is it worth going through all these?
Truth is, I haven't got enough of him.
Somehow I just feel like theres more of him and it makes me
want him even more albeit all that we're going through.

Often enough, friends do ask me if I am bored...
Thats because I see him practically everyday.
Well, sometimes I do really feel boring and fed up.
But after a while it somehow just went away.
Most of the time we just leave each other alone for a ..while.
Haha.. my for a while meaning a couple of hours.. or maybe a night?

Its different you see, if you haven't seen your bf for 6 months,
and the FACT that you know that he's going away for the
next-dunno-when 1 year, how often would you see him?
I am just making out the best of the time we have.
When the bomb finally arrives, thats when I really start panicking
and going hoo-ha.

Thinking back, the last time was really funny.
I didn't quite absorb that fact that he won't be around until
I was driving back alone after dropping of lynn n simon from the airport.
I don't know if anyone had seen me.. but I was really bursting..
Hahahaha...

And for that next couple of days, I cried day and night.
Everytime someone mention about him, my eyes started tearing.
I really couldn't help it. Probably that was also because I didn't get to
talk to him. Oh yeah, talking about that, I even cried when he called.
It was a less than 5 minutes call. It was really silly of me I know.

Fact is, I blamed US for what I went through.
Thats because we started out really really close.
And all of a sudden he's leaving for 6 months.
Well, I have alot more (years!) to go through, soon.

This time around, I really don't know how its going to be.


********crosses fingers*********

I kind of spoke to him about it today.
He admitted that its his fault.
He has a problem himself... :)

Something I've been missing out.

It been a stressful week.
It hit me hard looking at how hard life is turning out to be.
Nothing seems to be going right.
Emotionally.
When I woke this morning, I felt fresh, although I had only 3 hours sleep.
The morning seems to be fine until some point.
Where everything just fucks up.

Maybe I had been thinking too much.
I cannot stop thinking! I'd think of everything and anything.
Even when I was trying so hard to sleep last night, I kept telling
myself to relax and put everything aside, I need some rest. But to no avail.

*sigh*
Few days ago I had a weird dream.
I dreamt that I was getting married, but the place was gloomy and dark.
I remembered me insisting on changing a few dresses and make-ups
but the groom was nowhere to be seen.
The best thing is, my grandpa and grandma was there.
That part kinda scares me.
After that dream, thoughts of my grandma keep going thru my mind every now and then.
Then I realise how much I really really miss her.
That very day I woke up from that dream, I cried 3 times.
I don't know why.. somehow I just felt like letting it out.
:(

I had this feeling that this year is going to be a really really bad year for me.
Someone once told me that I'll be in my happiest in '08, or was it '09?
Argh, heck with it.
I need this year to be good...

*The song I just updated was the song that made everyone tear
during my cousin's wedding. This is dedicated to my beloved grandmother.

Its been long overdue.

Sorry, haven't really got the chance to come online and blog
Things are doing just fine and I hope its just the same for you.

Had been busy for classes, assignments and presentations.
Exam's starting next Saturday, wish me luck.

Will update more when I have time to really be online.
;)