Emotionally wrecked.

It was an emotional day today.
My aunt's husband was cremated at the same place as my grandma.
So coincidence, it was the exact same room that we were in 1 and a half years ago.
Brings back lotsa sad and painful memories.
Just a couple of days ago.. My uncle played the funeral's dvd.
As I sat there watching, I couldn't help but cried.
It didn't seem that it happened all that long ago,
it felt like only a couple of months back.
Everytime I pray to her, in my heart, I always say, if you've got anything to say or you want please just let us dream about it..
But so far, only my aunt dream about her.
She probably had all that she needs wherever she is now.
Call me supersticious or whatever, long time ago, I don't believe in all these.
Ever since my grandma passed away, I believed some stuffs.
I only believe in things that has got to do with her.
I feel a pain in my heart everytime I think of her.
I miss having her around, I think everyone does.


There's another person that I've been missing like hell too.
For the past 2 nights, some msg came in at about 6-7 in the morning,
I checked my phone with a hope .. but I was crushed, yet again.
Its not that things aren't going right, just that maybe its not going the way that I want it to be, thats why I'm feeling like this.
I don't want to be feeling like this, I just can't help it.
I have not spoke to him on the phone for about 2 weeks.
Other than that, when we're online.. its just some mutual stuff.
He once said, he still love me, but not like before.
What is that suppose to mean?
Its either he lost feelings, or he does more.
I don't want to bring up the topic and then we both would be unhappy about it.
Its another 2 weeks to 3 months, I just can't wait.
I guess I just have to be patient and.. give him all the time and space he needs.
Its not so hard to do after all.
I just hate sleeping all by myself on a cold lonely night.