I will know when the time is right..

.
It will be a jam packed these coming 2 months.
I listed down the amount of people coming back next month..
and the events that will be happening. I think its almost full.
The free time I have after my exams will be spent mostly with him.
So much catching up to do, and he'll be back only for about a month.
Come January, I'm back to being all alone again.

Well, I haven't really got into the fact that he'll be going off again so soon.
I'm trying hard not to think of it, just yet.
Problem is, nobody knows how long he is going to be away this time.
He said, he'll want to come back at least once a year.
Does that mean that he'll be away for another 4, 5 years or more?
The past 5 months was hard enough to bare for me.
*sigh* I don't want to let go, and I don't wanna see him go.
But I don't have a choice. Someone asked me to pursued him to stay when
he comes back. I said to her No, I can't do that. Even though my heart is
asking him not to go. Its his life, and his career & I want the best for him.
I'm doing all that I could, I just hope he understands his part as well.
If 'WE' really do work out in future, I don't want to regret not supporting
him in building up his career. Well, I guess I come in close 2nd after his career.
:) I just hope he understands that, whatever he does, I'll be there to support him.

And for the past week, I missed him much more than ever.
Counting down to another 4 weekends.

Boo.

Holidays are over. Tomorrow's the last day.
Then its back to classes, classes and exam.
Boring. And I have not finished my assignment due on Monday.


Have to go now to pick the girls up.. laters.


* 31 more days til my baby gets back!

You made my day..

.
So much for making decision, crying over nothings for the past couple of days.
You made it all right again with just a phone call.
Things are getting better, I couldn't be happier.
Seems like updating each other about our lives within the last 5 months wasn't easy.
That particular phone call was never ending.
But it was a damn good one, just like how it was before.
That, made me miss him even more.
4 ½ more weeks! I really can't wait.


P/s: Thank *YOU*..for whatever you've done for me.
Chill out, don't stress k.. You know you can always count on me.
All you need to do is just ask open up.. Love yaaaaa.

I've made up I've made up I've made up my mind.

Now its just the action.. and the right time. :)

Its not you, its me?

They always say, if you love someone, let them go.

Loving someone is seeing that person happy.

So in my case now, who should let who go?

Let the past be buried..

.:Edit:.

True enough. Another person from my past rolled in.

This is getting scary. While talking to someone last night over the phone,

a person from her past sent her a msg on msn. She said its my fault.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Being sick last weekend only made me lazier.
I've been so lazy to go class, go out or just about anything at all.
I tend to get all stuck up myself and get moody. Not good.
But anyways, life does goes on.
I've tried not fretting over things that had happened.
Its out of my control.. so I might as well just let it be.
At the mean time that is. I just have to be patience
and wait for the right time.

Today, I chatted with someone on msn, someone that I
have not spoken to for over 2 years.
I figured that I've actually forgotten about the past long time ago..
The hatred and anger I have towards her are all gone.
I've grown up, and I've learn not to have enemies.
Oh and.. a long lost friend called me the other day.
I saw the number on my phone caller id, and said to myself..
Who's number is this.. it looks damn familiar.
And it struck me! Its someone I have not spoken for sometime too..
Luckily I didn't pick up and ask who is this.
She's someone really nice, and we've been through
alot together during school days.

Anyway, I hope to meet up with long lost friend soon.
We sure have alot to talk about, lotsa updates!
Also, I've been wondering, these 2 persons were
once someone close to me, and at the same time this week,
they both reappeared.. I wonder what else's coming back, into my life.
As you know me, I don't like surprises. Pfft.

* P/s : Jen Ai, I almost got into an accident last night. No thanks to you.
Urgh! But I am GLAD that you're fine now. Will see you soon okay.
Take good care babe.

I never hoped for this.

.
I am very very very tired of this.

Please help me,

Stop all my sufferings.

I'm afraid I might kill myself, soon.

Fucked up.

Stupid haze.
I knew this was coming but didn't know it'll be this bad.
I've been on my bed the whole day and night yesterday.
I felt so weak and couldn't do anything.
Stupid flu, fever, sore throat and cough. Urgh.
Spoiled my whole weekend.

Pups.

.
I want one of theseeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Boiling..

.
Its just one of those days where everything & everyone
just have to piss the shit out of me. That includes yesterday.

I tried to keep calm and take deep breaths.. but it still wouldn't work.
Part of me feels like screaming and the other part feels like breaking down.

Well, maybe I've just been too tired.
Haven't had a good rest since last week.

I need a holiday! Maybe I just need my boyfriend, like someone said.

Damn.

Looking forward to the weekends.

I'm looking forward to Batu Pahat this weekend to
visit my cousins and at the same time to attend a wedding dinner.
I miss them so much I can't resist skipping class on Saturday to go there.
I already planned nicely which dress to wear for the dinner.
And then today I was kinda forced into going to my college's Orientation Night on Friday.
Pfft!. Now I have to think what to wear for that.
I was thinking of the black dress I wore for my cousin's wedding,
but on 2nd thoughts maybe I should go with the other 2 dresses that I have not worn before.
Super headache. Ish.

Tiredness is killing me. But then again, I had some happy news today!
So theres a reason for me to smile to sleep tonight.
I should dry my hair and head to the bed now.
:)

The day a F-crue was born.

Happy 19th Birthday Aaven Chen!

Big boy alreadyyyyyyyy! Be good yar.
Have a great time and lotsa fun.
Lotsa love.

The day a babe was born.

Happy 20th Birthday Liann Yap!

It might just have been 4 yrs since I first knew you,

but it seems like its been forever.

Stay just the way that you are. We love you that.

This is your special day, so enjoy!

And say bye bye to your teenhood.

Love you lots babe. *Hugs & kisses*

Random

Been so tired running in and out of college everyday.
Not enough sleep, insomnia kicked in again.
So I thought I would have time for myself on weekends
but I was wrong. I have class on Saturdays.

Anyway, a certain issue has been bothering me lately.
And I can't do anything about it.
Ok, maybe there is something I can do.
But the question is, how?
*sigh*
This is really really bad.

Gtg now, pick mom and head home.
Laters.

.

And if you will,

I will, try to let it go..

21. I'll be there in exactly 5 months. :)

.

Can you name 21 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Dont read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people.

Ready, Start!

1. Edmund
2. Sue Lynn
3. Khai Yeing
4. Li Lian
5. Liann
6. Jen Ai
7. Adrian
8. Eric
9. Sue Ann
10. Simon
11. Lionel
12. Michelle
13. Seven
14. Peter
15. Carmen
16. Edwin
17. Hung
18. Boon
19. Sean
20. Ben
21. Aaven



THE QUESTIONS:

How did you meet 14?
Apparently he's my cousin brother.


What would you do if you never met 6?
There wasn't anything I could do because I wouldn't know she existed in the first place. But I'm glad I met her, 12 years ago. :)

What would you do if 20 and 9 date?
Muahaha, I'll be really happy but its unlikely to happen.

Did you ever like 5?
Yeap, I love her. In fact, if I didn't like her I wouldn't be mixing around with her.

Would 3 and 12 make a good couple?
Nah, one's my babe and the other's my cousin sister. How could it be possible?

Describe 8:
Oh god, he's a farn hai. Forever bugging me to fetch him, asking me for ciggarettes but he's a nice boy, though. I hope he finds someone nice.

Do you think 13 is attrative?
Yeap, definitly. He's good looking and has good sense of humour. Btw, he's the new addition of the ka-zen's.

Tell me something about 17:
He's the younger brother of 13. He's just as good looking as his brother. Really nice guy. Glad that I met him though.

Do you know any of 4's family members?
Hmmm, yeah? I know her mum, her dad, her brothers?

What's 21's favourite colour?
Uncle likes, Orange? Pink? Blue? Come on, one of them must be right!

What would you do if 18 confessed that he/she liked you?
Omg, I'd probably freak weh. We share a mother and son relationship people.

What languages that 20 speak?
Hmm.. cantonese, english, malay, mandarin & hokkien. Thats about it, I guess.

Who is 9 going out with?
No one at the moment. She's enjoying everybit of her singlehood right now.

What does 16 do?
He's an auditor in Australia.

When was the last time you talked to 13?
About 1 and a half month back? Will be talking to him again in November.

What perfume does number 2 use?
I don't think she normally uses perfumes. She has a kind of lotion smell on her sometimes. Mind me, it does smell good but weird. :P

Would you ever date 7?
Muahahahaha. Would you ever date your own brother?

Would you ever date 1?
Hmm.. yeah. I am actually currently dating him now, minus the distance. :)

Is 15 single?
Nope. She hasn't been single for the past 11 years. She's getting married in December.

What is 19's last name?
Yung.

Would you ever want to be in a a serious relationship with 11?
Our relationship is indeed serious. We're cousin's, who has been living together under one roof for a while. Can it get more serious?

What school does 3 go to?
Oh gosh. The schools that she went to is confusing. Yuk Chai, Tmn Sea, Sri Kl, Perth, Tazmania and now Monash/Vu? She might be heading to Melbourne next year. :(

Where does 10 live?
This canto-pop rocker lives in Tmn Tun.

What's your favourite thing about 10?
Hmmm, nothing actually. Just that he's my girlfriend's boyfriend, so I don't have a choice. I... am... just kidding. He's a nice guy, a joker and a potential husband for no.2 in future.

Have you seen number 13 naked?
Top half or bottom half?


Mind me, I'm bored.

Chinese looking with grey eyes.

Isn't she the cutest thing ever?

Why does every fucking thing has to be this way?
What the fuck is wrong with him?
Why is he being so fucked up?
How can it bother me like fuck after so long?
Why do I have to fucking feel like fuck?
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I feel very fucked.

Urgh..Fuck off.

Dream Of Me..

.
Let me sleep

For when I sleep I dream that you are here

You're mine

And all my fears are left behind

.
I float on air

The nightingale sings gentle lullabies

So let me close my eyes

.
And sleep, a chance to dream

So I can see the face I long to touch, to kiss

But only dreams can bring me this
.

So let the moon shine softly on the boy I long to see

And maybe when he dreams, he'll dream of me

.

I hide beneath the clouds

And whisper to the evening stars

They tell me love is just a dream away, dream away

.

I'll dream away...
.

So let the moon shine softly on the boy I long to see

And maybe when he dreams, he'll dream of me..

Is my time through?

.
I have been scaring myself. Or maybe not.

I couldn't sleep last night; I tossed and turned around til one moment... I stopped. I just stopped moving, curled myself up..And just lay there. I felt so weak, so restless and suddenly everything seems to peaceful to me. I wasn't all that sleepy. I didn't dare to fall asleep actually. I was afraid that I might not wake up... for life. The thoughts of just lying down there, not waking up when someone keeps knocking at my door scares me. I just didn’t move a single inch then.. my thoughts started running wild. I was imagining things. Like I got crashed by a big truck, was smashed to death. Like if I got snatched but I didn't want to let go and the fucker just used the parang and slash me or maybe stab with a knife. And I was imagining my funeral.. After a while I fell asleep, but I woke up feeling the same shitty feeling I had last night. Heh.. I know I'm crazy. I think I am too.

Btw, with the amount of crime rates, snatch thefts that's been happening rather often lately. Everywhere, anytime, it is happening. I was considered lucky in my past experience. I could have died. Seriously. Well, honestly, you won't understand how it felt that time unless you were me. I couldn't care less about anything when it happened, I just screamed my lungs out, kicked them like motherfcuker, and I didn't even realise I was punched on my cheek and my ears. My nose was bleeding, and the buttons on my shirt were all opened. Oh yeah, one side my shoe came off when they dragged me out from the car. I came to conclusion that, the reason why I was punched so fucking hard, was because I kicked them on the right spot.I was on a sitting position and they were both trying to drag me out of the car, and my shoes were the thick 2 inch heel, so can you imagine if your balls got kicked so hard that your mother couldn't even recognise you? (Applied to male species only) Yeah, so that was it.
Until today, I still get phobias here and there. Probably I'm paranoid.

Borderline is, you never know when is your time coming by.
You'll never know. Things can happen anywhere, anytime..
so please to be cautious in whatever you do.

If someday I am not here anymore, and I didn't have a last word with any of you.. just remember that I wrote this.
I'm sorry if I ever offended you, piss you off, scolded you or whatever. I am sorry to those I took for granted, people who were friends before but not-so-friend anymore now, friends that I have not been in contact with,and particularly to my girls. You girls are like my sisters. Have been through the ups and downs together with me for years. I will not be complete without any of you. I mean it. Much love. & my boy, I don't know what is happening now.. and I don't know what is going to happen next. Whatever it is, just remember that I will still love you no matter what happens.
You will always be in my thoughts.