Exam woes..

I'm currently having a post exam depression..
I keep thinking I'm gonna fail this subject and that subject.
Thats because I've been slacking off a little.. okay maybe alot.
I CAN'T seem to concerntrate in class. Its either I'm sleepy or
my mind will drift off somewhere else.
I blame HIM. No thanks to him.

How now? Exam is less than a week away.
I've started studying but not much.

And to know that he is coming back this weekend does not help.
URGH.

Please let me concerntrate on my exams...
This is my last term.. I cannot fuck anything up.

It's suppose to be a happy day...

This is damn cute man.

There's more, go check it out

http://www.bitterstickgirl.com/

..

On the other hand.

Today's the 20th, that marks us being together for 1 & ½ years.

During that period, he has been away for about 9 months.

I can barely reconise the face anymore...

He needs to come home soon.

Or maybe, I will head down to Sg next week

If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone

.

Get back on your feet and think of me

.

My love will get you home...

I miss you.

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I'd need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I'm alone

And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you went away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

.

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it okay

I miss you

.

I've never felt this way before

Everything that I do, reminds me of you

And the clothes you left they lie on the floor

And they smell just like you

I love the things that you do

When you went away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

.

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it okay

I miss you

.

We were made for each other., out here forever

All I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I do I give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

.

The words I need to hear will always get me through the day

And make it okay

I miss you

HollieMollieCow.

Everything so just so freaking nice and cheap here.
Haven't really got the chance to buy things yet.
Will definitly be going shopping tomorrow cos they kids won't be around!
Have been waiting for the 2 of them to come back from school at 2..
Then wait for the youngest boy to go take his afternoon nap..
And thats when we sneak out... muahahaha. Damn bad rite.
Anyways, tomorrow's Saturday already.. I'm so excited... :))))))))))))))))))))))))
Seriously, I really don't know how to react. Something is wrong with me.

I'm still alive.

Will be heading to the Museum with both my younger cousins later.

But no, I won't be seeing the bf until Sunday. :(

The sales here are crazy and things are really really cheap.

Without converting..that is.

Can't wait to go shopping and get some new shoes & bags. Heh.

Gtg now.. laters peeps.

Happy Bday to my one and only!

Would like to wish my mum a Happy Happy Birthday..

Thank you for bringing me into the world..

Thank you for the everything that you've given me..

Thank you for standing by me through everything..

Thank you for your constant scolding, now I'm exactly like you.. in a good way!

The list would go on forever..

Just so you know that you mean the world to me, you're my number 1.

I love you like no other and you're my heart & soul.


Will update more from Spore, I hope. :)

Pangs of loneliness..

For some reasons suddenly I felt extra lonely. I'm feeling very lost. I miss the companionship. I can't find nothing to do and I have no one to turn to. Even if I have, I don't think anyone would understand my situation and what I'm currently going through. Its like everything and everywhere I want to go now, I have to do it all alone. This is so not fun.

I've tried going on as usual, but somehow someway it will eventually backfire on me, and I would feel worst than before. Now, at this very point, I really don't know what to do. I feel like I don't belong anywhere.

I've made a big mistake. I grew too attached to him for the past 6 months. And all of a sudden, he has left me all alone here makes me feel like there's no place in the world for me. I really don't want to feel this way. Its hurting me too much deep inside.

At moments when I feel the change in my condition I would literally be in tears. I cannot be alone, I have to be around people. With that, I don't think or even realise my current situation. I can't even sleep like I used to. I slept at 6 this morning, and I woke practically every hour.. then forcing myself back to sleep, finally waking up at 12. I've also been losing my appetite. And this is doing no good.

This is affecting me so much that I want to run and hide somewhere. I'm taking an advantage of the company that I have. But still, it isn't enough for me. I guess now I'm contented and totally restless.

I want to scream my lungs out.

Under construction

Holy crap. Its 5 in the morning and I'm doing my blog crap. Shit. I am freaking tired but am not really sleepy. Guess I have to force myself to sleep yet again. I did it last night. Its really really difficult.

Btw, I know this sucks. If you ever stumble across my page, please get off. I will continue doing the crap tomorrow. Its time for me to hit the sack and meet my boy in dreamland cos that's the only way I can to see him. That boy worked a total of 13 and a half hours. Thats only on his first day, theres more to come. I wish I was there to comfort him.. give him some tlc and maybe some massage. Hey, that makes alot of difference ok. Ok, I must stop. I miss him terribly. And its not helping that I know he's working his ass off and I can't do anything.

There he goes..

The bf has left town this morning! I tried my very best to control myself the whole morning. But once he got in the bus, I started walking to my car..
Thats when I could not control myself anymore. I'm alright now.. I feel better now I guess. Everything is gonna be different again. Hopefully this is for good.
We have not really spoken about "us" while he's in Singapore, yet. Its only a year, I'm sure I can take it. Guess I have alot to think about now.

He's away... mom will be away to Penang this weekend. Guess I'm left all by myself. :(

*sobs*

I'm at college now waiting for class to start. I've been a good girl these days..
going to class practically everyday... :) I wonder how long is this gonna last.

Anyway, the bf will be leaving to Singapore tomorrow..and still I don't feel anything! I'll be dead tomorrow... God knows when I'm gonna be laying my eyes on him again. Another few months I suppose. But I could just go there whenever I want to cos its only 500 km away not 5000 miles. Phew..

Life is so bored. Nothing to do, no where to go without money. I miss the beach. I wanna go back to Awana... :(

What you think I should do with the bf before he leaves? Make a home cooked meal together tonight, or go out and have a nice dinner and maybe a movie?
He will definitly not go out cos he doesn't wanna waste money.

Okay, to some of you. I know what you're gonna say. Yes, I will try to do something kinky tonight.. definitly. :P Hahahahaha...

Laters..


.:EDIT:.

Yayyyyyyyyyyy!!!! Not tomorrow not tomorrow.
Just another extra day makes a lot of difference okay..

Pictures..

I actually typed some stuff here already..

But then again, I better not say it yet..

In case anything goes wrong, I'm to blame

Urgh...

Anyway, holiday's over.

Class officially starts tomorrow.

Suppose to start today, but I didn't go and I didn't know.

Plus, I had quite bad cramps so, too bad.. :)

I only have time until August to fuck-around.

After that, its time for work, work and only work.

By the way, here's the pictures from our little trip.

The view on the way to the beach...

Bestfriends with boyfriends and girlfriends..

The beach..

A rare sight.. and its amazing

On the way back..

More soon I hope, malas wanna upload.

Off from today til weds!

Will be gone to Terengganu later at 7 plus.

With the girlfriend and boyfriends.

I went through a whole lot for this trip..

And at the end, I thought to myself.. what for?

Why am I doing all these?

I am taking this opportunity to think things through.

Hope I get an answer for myself when I get back. :)

p/s: My blog is getting boring.. need a revamp. Don't ya think so?

TOO much to take.

Need a holiday..

Need a holiday..

Need a holiday..

I have not really absorb the fact that he is leaving soon..

Need a holiday..

Need a holiday..

Most probably will be going Terengganu next week...

Please make it possible for me..

;(

I finished my last paper this morning.

I thought theres a reason for me to celebrate.

But no..

I decided to fall sick yesterday.. flu, fever, sorethroat
And its gotten worst today

I woke up late this morning..

The paper sucks

I almost blackout while walking to the car

And the last thing I needed was SLEEP when I got back to his place.

I happily merrily walked in...

And he told me...


The BOMB has finally arrived!

FUCK.

He should be leaving in approximetaly 2 and a half weeks time.

THIS IS JUST GREAT.


*Around the corner*
Helpppppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cries*

Strained relationship.. no more?

I wonder, is it just me thinking too much or is it really happening?
Things had been a little sour lately.
He probably couldn't realise it.
I find it so hard to talk to him these days.
Its either he won't answer, he'll reply sarcastically, or I'll get the
what-the-fuck tone of voice.
Sometimes, I just find that we both don't click at all.
This guy has a very strong mind of his own and is always firm with it.
That explains the disagreements that happens daily as I am that way too.

After all these while, I asked myself.. is it worth going through all these?
Truth is, I haven't got enough of him.
Somehow I just feel like theres more of him and it makes me
want him even more albeit all that we're going through.

Often enough, friends do ask me if I am bored...
Thats because I see him practically everyday.
Well, sometimes I do really feel boring and fed up.
But after a while it somehow just went away.
Most of the time we just leave each other alone for a ..while.
Haha.. my for a while meaning a couple of hours.. or maybe a night?

Its different you see, if you haven't seen your bf for 6 months,
and the FACT that you know that he's going away for the
next-dunno-when 1 year, how often would you see him?
I am just making out the best of the time we have.
When the bomb finally arrives, thats when I really start panicking
and going hoo-ha.

Thinking back, the last time was really funny.
I didn't quite absorb that fact that he won't be around until
I was driving back alone after dropping of lynn n simon from the airport.
I don't know if anyone had seen me.. but I was really bursting..
Hahahaha...

And for that next couple of days, I cried day and night.
Everytime someone mention about him, my eyes started tearing.
I really couldn't help it. Probably that was also because I didn't get to
talk to him. Oh yeah, talking about that, I even cried when he called.
It was a less than 5 minutes call. It was really silly of me I know.

Fact is, I blamed US for what I went through.
Thats because we started out really really close.
And all of a sudden he's leaving for 6 months.
Well, I have alot more (years!) to go through, soon.

This time around, I really don't know how its going to be.


********crosses fingers*********

I kind of spoke to him about it today.
He admitted that its his fault.
He has a problem himself... :)

Something I've been missing out.

It been a stressful week.
It hit me hard looking at how hard life is turning out to be.
Nothing seems to be going right.
Emotionally.
When I woke this morning, I felt fresh, although I had only 3 hours sleep.
The morning seems to be fine until some point.
Where everything just fucks up.

Maybe I had been thinking too much.
I cannot stop thinking! I'd think of everything and anything.
Even when I was trying so hard to sleep last night, I kept telling
myself to relax and put everything aside, I need some rest. But to no avail.

*sigh*
Few days ago I had a weird dream.
I dreamt that I was getting married, but the place was gloomy and dark.
I remembered me insisting on changing a few dresses and make-ups
but the groom was nowhere to be seen.
The best thing is, my grandpa and grandma was there.
That part kinda scares me.
After that dream, thoughts of my grandma keep going thru my mind every now and then.
Then I realise how much I really really miss her.
That very day I woke up from that dream, I cried 3 times.
I don't know why.. somehow I just felt like letting it out.
:(

I had this feeling that this year is going to be a really really bad year for me.
Someone once told me that I'll be in my happiest in '08, or was it '09?
Argh, heck with it.
I need this year to be good...

*The song I just updated was the song that made everyone tear
during my cousin's wedding. This is dedicated to my beloved grandmother.

Its been long overdue.

Sorry, haven't really got the chance to come online and blog
Things are doing just fine and I hope its just the same for you.

Had been busy for classes, assignments and presentations.
Exam's starting next Saturday, wish me luck.

Will update more when I have time to really be online.
;)

Happy CNY.

Chinese New Year is around the corner yo.
Doesn't even feels like cny to me anyway.
Mostly its because my grandmother is not here anymore,
I feel like theres not much meaning to it.
But well, I still follow the traditions.
Like no sweeping floor, washing hair on the first day.
:)

Oh well, bought some clothes today.
Should be enough. Last year I didn't even get anything.
Its gonna be a quiet new year for me for the first few days.
Almost everyone will be back in hometown and all.
And the bf is back in Penang already. :(

Will post pics of the barbeque party we had when I have the time.

Happy Chinese New Year!
in advance to everyone!

I'm late!

Happy 21st to Khai Yeing!

-and also to myself. :)

And also HAPPY VALENTINES to everyone.